My Dreams Stay Big
Over the past few weeks I have been preparing for my final pastry chef exam.I have been baking night and day – literally. There were days when I could fill a whole shop with the goodies I made over the night. And I loved every minute of it. There were cakes I had not even tasted ever before I made it in my home kitchen while practicing. I made breakfast pastries and traditional Hungarian cakes and besides my baking addiction being fulfilled, my family and colleagues were not complaining either. I went through 50 or more eggs a week and 3 to 5 kg-s of flour not counting the amount of sugar and other ingredients. This might be nothing to a real shop but for my tiny kitchen it was quite some achievement.
We had tests last week and we had to pass those in order to enter the final exams starting this week with the kitchen part. We had to make four types of cakes and one cake decoration in the course of 11 hours divided into two days. It was a long marathon especially that I had a week full of client meetings and dinners at work. Anyways, the day arrived and I was calm because I knew that whatever happens I made it through the course I did everything I could and practiced hard. I also know that exams and the certificate in my hand will not mean that I am immediately ready to open up a shop but it is one step closer to my dream and that is all that matters.
I still have two more rounds of tests and oral exams but the kitchen exams are over. The first day I got a cake I love to eat and another pastry that is not hard but the puff pastry from scratch took quite some time. We absolved the first day successfully but no doubt it was tiring with all the exam stress and butterflies in our stomach.
I didn’t realize how tired I got this week until I started preparing the cake for decorating purposes for the next day. The first time in my life the batch of cake got so concave that I had to make it all over again, so by the time I got to bed it was 2am in the morning and had to be up and shiny at 6 to make it to our next exam session. The next round I got two fairly easy but also complex cakes. Couldn’t escape the dough folding this time either but oh well I had two fellow gals folding with me simultaneously at their tables so we kept on joking and this made it much easier. Despite my confidence the first day I felt like I was blocked the second day. I kept making mistakes, I felt like I had not been in a kitchen before and my efforts were useless. I made my cakes, I passed the exams. Yes, we all passed this part and amazing cakes and decorations were created by my classmates. I am not relieved though. I should have done better. I know this blog is supposed to be about nice and fluffy cakes and not about sorry sad eyes but honestly I came home last night and fell crying. I was tired and exhausted and all I wanted to is hide away from the world.
I went into my kitchen and saw the cake-gone-wrong and decided to make some dinner and have cake with jam afterwards. Just realized I hadn’t eaten anything the whole day and food definitely made things better. The cake was so good and I realized the world keeps turning and I should just get up and stop feeling pity for myself because a long sleep and a beautiful morning run by the river can put things in a brighter light. Even though I could have done better, I know eventually I will do better and my cakes are just gonna get better. I just need to get up every morning, bake even more, keep my worries small and keep dreaming big…and then I’ll get there.